Money talks (but talking about it is hard!)
Money is not an easy thing to talk about.
In a recent survey, some stark facts emerged about our reticence to discuss money:
• Three-quarters of couples found money the hardest thing to talk about in their relationship
• A third argued each time they tried
• And around half lied to each other about how much money they spent!
And the couples interviewed said they were more willing to talk about their previous sexual relationships than discuss money with the person closest to them.
All this tells us what you may already know - most of us find it very hard talking about money, even with our nearest and dearest, let alone to anyone else!
But discussing our problems is the first step on the road to being able to sort them out, or being able to anticipate and avoid the issues in the first place.
Great in principle, you may be thinking - but how on earth do we start that conversation when it’s about something so personal, so private, possibly so embarrassing!
It obviously depends on who you are having that conversation with – perhaps your partner, parents, children or friends – and what the situation is – are you addressing an issue or getting your situation sorted before difficulties arise?
Here are some tips to get started that may work for you, depending on your circumstances:
Difficult conversations are often easier to have when you’re taking part in another activity with the other person, like driving in the car, washing up, chopping veg in the kitchen, or even doing a jigsaw puzzle or walking the dog! However, if you decide you want to get practical and look at details, it might be easier to be sitting at home with access to paperwork or online information & accounts.
It might help to prepare before the conversation – what do you want to get out of it, what do you want to cover, and how are you going to begin?
Money is an emotive issue and often comes with complicated baggage, so avoid getting heated, interrupting the other person, or blaming anyone (including yourself!) - instead try to stick to facts and constructive opinions. Give space for the other person to talk and try to listen to what they are really saying. And request that they do the same!
Make notes during the conversation if necessary – it's easier to go over things afterwards if you’ve jotted down the key points, especially if you are agreeing actions or responsibilities.
The Money & Pensions (MAPS) ‘Money Helper’ website has some great practical guides for talking to the people in our lives about money – check out their resources here.
According to MAPS, people who talk about money:
make better and less risky financial decisions
have stronger personal relationships
help their children form good lifetime money habits
feel less stressed or anxious and more in control
So there are certainly lots of good reasons to get that difficult but important conversation started...now you just need to take action and begin talking!
On our Money Course, we discuss the benefits of talking about money with your partner, along with the other budgeting and money management topics we cover – why not sign up and find out more, and even better, bring your partner or other important people in your life along with you to our online sessions (or encourage them to take the self-led version along with you) to kick-start the discussion!